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Second Baby Guilt | Part 1

second baby guilt jax, fl | baby jax, fl

Young parents with a newborn baby and small toddler son at home.

Second Baby Guilt | Part 1

Second baby guilt isn't something you ever consider going into pregnancy. Oh no, it just sneaks right up on you outta nowhere! There I was, in the middle of the hottest month in Florida, almost two years after the birth of my firstborn. I was standing in a local baby store with swollen feet and sausage toes, almost eight months pregnant with my second baby. I was elated to be nearing the end of my third trimester! I’d survived summer and the blistering heat in Jacksonville Florida, swollen feet and all.

In one hand I held an outfit that my firstborn son picked out for the baby, he was only two years old. In the other hand I held his tiny hand I was overwhelmed with emotion.

Tears welled up in my eyes and then spilled over my eyelids and down my cheeks. I bent down and hugged my sweet boy. Of course, he asked me, “What’s wrong mommy?”

I explained, “Oh baby, I’m just thinking about how it'll be when our baby is born. It's going to take some time for all of us to get used to having a baby in the family. I’m so proud of you, you'll be an amazing big brother!" The second baby guilt I felt at that moment was real, but I wasn't even sure at the time what I was feeling, aside from super emotional.

He just smiled and said, “Mommy, I love you, you're the best!”

The best…

Yeah, how could I ever live up to that?

So much was changing; our family dynamics would never be the same after our second baby was born. He would no longer be my only baby, there would be two. Two babies requiring my love, my attention, my heart, my hands, meals, baths, and everything else. My sweet boy was going to have to share me with a baby. My baby would no longer be the baby.

A couple more weeks went by and I found myself daydreaming as I watched him play.

My mind wandered again to how life will be with a second baby. The tears fell again. I shared these feelings with my mom and a couple of close friends who had children. They all shared encouraging stories, assuring me that it will be different with a second baby, but just as beautiful. They assured me that what I felt was normal and that I would survive it and more importantly my firstborn would survive it.

“Think of it this way, they will be lifelong friends”, one friend shared with me. That didn’t sound so bad at all, in fact, it was comforting and so I clung to that.

I also shared my feelings with my partner, who at the time seemed to be completely absent emotionally. Maybe it was just me I thought, he acts like it's no big deal. Why is my guy not emotional about this I wondered?

Fast forward to the night our second was born.

He came into the world in a hurry after only about 3 hours of labor. He was a he! Our baby was a boy! We had chosen not to find out the gender of our first two babies, so this was quite a moment, not only did we have our baby Earth-side and in my arms, but our baby was a boy!

Our son had a brother!

This mom of one was now a mom of two! I now had two amazing little boys, and while I was overfilled with joy and love, I still felt it there down deep inside of me. It was that same feeling that came and went over the last several weeks. Only this time it was different, I knew what I felt. I could identify and put words to it, it was second baby guilt.

What is second baby guilt you ask? Do fathers ever feel this way? Stay tuned to for the next blog in this series where we will discuss it in more detail. If you or someone you know is struggling with second baby guilt and it hasn't gone away after baby arrives it could be time to talk with your doctors.

The Jax Baby Company provides Virtual New Mom Support to help parents with all of the things that come up in the early weeks and months of parenting tiny humans! Shoot us a text at 904| 924 | 4182 or contact us here through the website and we will be in touch!

Happy Birth & Parenting!

Elizabeth Luke

Included in this series;

  1. Introduction; Guilt, Inadequacy, and Insufficient Funds

  2. Baggage I Carried When I Carried My Baby

  3. Second Baby Guilt Part 1

  4. Second Baby Guilt Part 2

  5. The Postpartum Doula's Role

  6. A Light At The End Of The Tunnel

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